There came a point in our journey when trying to conceive felt like a battle with me and my body and I’m sure that many other women struggling to conceive feel this way too. You start the month of great after a big glass of wine and a few tissues you pull your self together and start telling your partner this is our month I just know it I feel it in the air and with the uncertain tone he replied yes I’m sure it will (He hears this every month).
you wait for cycle day 9 to come around again so you can start peeing on ovulation tests like your some dog trying to make his mark on the world they finally look like they start to get darker and the cycle day 12 your 100% sure today’s the day the ovulation test will be positive I mean why wouldn’t it be your tests have been getting darker every day your feeling little twinges and all the books say you’ll ovulate on cycle day 12 you look down at the test NEGATIVE ? WHAT, maybe its just faulty you test again a few hours later still negative ah that’s ok maybe I just missed the rise last night…
So you try to just relax for the rest of the month after all the best way to get pregnant is to “stop trying” whats that you did an eye roll too? but your not really relaxed your focusing o
n every little ache your body makes you even find your self-googling silly things like is pain in the right leg a sign of ovulation you don’t even know how you got onto this google search but there you are trying to pinpoint the tiniest little thing to give you hope that you are ovulating.
cycle day 23 come around and you randomly notice your cervial mucus is like egg whites you run for the digital ovulation test you want a more accrute reading and boom a big smiley face its like the bed room traffic lights have turned green its go go go and then 5dpo (days passed ovulation) the world has sundelly decided to stop spinning the clocks have stopped ticking the hours feel like days and the days feel like years your just waiting to take a pregnancy test 7 dpo arrives thats it I feel diffrent im taking a test its negative ah its too early anyways you travel at snail pase to 9dpo the earliest you can get a positive your squiniting at the test is it is it nope its negative .
the next week or two are just a waiting game that feels like your in some sort of life jail and the only way out is by getting the long awaited big fat positive or the ugly aunt flow shows up to bail you out, its filled with hope and frustartion your periods late so you must be pregnant but you are frustated becuase you know by 18 dpo you should of atlest got a faint positive by now so just want your period to hurry up so you can just get on with it and focus on the next cycle
oh you plan on wearing them white jeans for tonights dinner date mmm you might want to re think that of course aunt flow shows up on the one day you planned on going out she always knows your plans and never fails to miss them and thats when the frustration and anger kicks in why is it so hard for my body to do the one thing women are ment to be able to do natrually your angry did your body even ovulate this month you see a women annoce her 6th unplanned baby and then you go to the shop for some wine and all you see are pregnant women and mothers with their babies its like the whole world is ether pregnany or already a partner apart from you
The one thing I won’t let infertility control is my mindset
Although my body isn’t doing what I want it to do. I can only control so much. I can’t force my body to ovulate. I can’t force my cycles to be regular. So as understandable as it is to feel betrayed by my body at times, I try to take a step back and focus on what I can control. I pick my self up give my self the motivational monthly talk and focus on the next cycle ahead and that’s the only thing you can do.
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