Our baby existed – Ectopic Pregnancy Story
To find out more about ectopic pregnancy click here The short story is that babies belong in a uterus. If they don’t implant there, they may implant somewhere else, most commonly in a fallopian tube. That pregnancy can’t be sustained. Hopefully, someday doctors will be able to successfully transplant them to the uterus, but at this point, that isn’t a viable option. So here’s my story of what having an ectopic pregnancy was like.
Two Pink lines I was pregnant with our first baby tears streaming down my face “We done it we done it ” we are having a baby ” My partners face light up with a smile ill never forget that joyous moment followed the best weeks of my life memories talking about baby names, seeing friends & family excited for us, talking about what the nursery will look like and we just enjoyed every second of the start of our pregnancy however that joy and excitement soon came crashing down as I started bleeding and having cramps at 7 weeks. That afternoon the nurse tried to reassure me that bleeding is normal in early pregnancy and everything will be fine but I could just feel that wouldn’t be the case for me, she sent me on my way with an early scan on Monday.
On the morning of my scan I actually woke up positive the bleeding had stopped for two days and I no longer had pain I was feeling confident we would come out of the hospital with a picture of our healthy baby. They did both an external an internal ultrasound The ultrasounds took forever and were emotionally excruciating. The technician couldn’t say anything but just from the look on her face, it wasn’t going to be the news we were hoping for. I was told that there was no pregnancy to be seen and that I’d most likely miscarried.So Instead of walking down the corridor smiling and holding a picture of our baby’s first scan we left the hospital with leaflets and an emergency phone number it wasn’t until we got home a read the leaflets that I realised this wasn’t going to be as straightforward as I originally thought a miscarriage was most likely, but we couldn’t yet rule out an ectopic pregnancy or even an entirely viable pregnancy that was just too early to locate.
The subsequent weeks were a rollercoaster of confusion and emotion. Following that first scan, I had to go back in for further blood tests which revealed my pregnancy hormones had increased. This was great our hopes of having a healthy baby was on our side again, We then had another scan the following day, however, this just led to more confusion one person was saying my hormone levels are fine(even used the word “great”)and then the next person says they can’t find a heartbeat and now we are being walked to another part of the hospital with not one but two more experienced ultrasound technicians to ” take a look around”. Even when they told us our baby has implanted in the wrong place, we wanted to imagine that our child would beat the odds and continue to grow, or magically move into the uterus And all of the sudden nobody cares about your baby anymore and they’re talking to you about the signs that you might be in danger of internal bleeding. It’s hard to really take in that information when you’re trying to understand how you went so quickly from being a pregnant woman to being a woman who is going to not only lose her child but is in a life threating situation.
I was giving the mtx injection however after a long draining week of going to the hospital every day we find out it didn’t work and the next thing I know they are talking about surgery asking me a billion and one questions and getting me to sign papers, Once on the ward waiting for surgery I was told id have to wait until tomorrow the next day I was then told again that it wouldn’t be happening today, however, a few hours later I started experiencing the most extruating pain and as the mother of my child I still didn’t want to take anything for the pain I was still in the mindset of wanting to protect my baby. When my stepdad informed the nurse of my pain within minutes the surgeon was by my bedside and I just remember them rushing around preparing me for surgery saying we need to get you to the theatre now it was at this moment I realise how serious my caution was.
After I woke up from surgery I just burst into tears I could just feel my life has changed from that momment although I felt “lucky” in a sense that unlike so women I was able to keep my tubes but at the end of the day I had still lost my child and thats the only thing at the time I cared about I wanted that child I didnt want a doctor telling me my percent chances of conceving again I should still be pregnant not thinking about trying again in 3 months time like I just didnt get the job of a mother and had to re able in a few months.
Its now been 3 years since we lost our first baby and not a single day goes by where I don’t think of him/her I find it hard to find closure on what happened because I don’t have a scan of my angel just memory of what happened but I take every day at a time some are better than others and ive found a huge part of my greaving has been eased by the amazing support from the TTC/pregnancy loss couminty on insagram I honeslty don’t know how I would have moved forward if it wasn’t for them spuring me on so thankyou ladies from the bottom on my heart.
Thank you for reading my first blog post this was a hard post to write but I wanted to hopefully make at least one woman feel she isn’t alone & I also feel I needed to do this for me so I can release some of the pain I’ve been holding onto.
I’m still waiting for a rainbow baby, and hope that one day, we’ll have a baby in the uterus and that is healthy!
********BABY DUST TO ALL WOMEN TRYING TO CONCEIVE********